The Storms that Kill

I am feeling quite inspired by storms at the moment, I think there could be more coming but we will see. Today I don't want to talk about wind and rain storms but life storms. The ones that bruise and batter the walls of our mind, damage the roofs of our hearts and sometimes take life.                                       One still grey, June afternoon in 2006, I received the news of my brother's sudden death amd it was suicide. It was the beginning of a fierce, torrential storm that smashed suddenly through our lives.
The devastation and damage took years to repair and some things were never recovered or mended.
Of course, his very life was irretrievable.
I know that I am not the only person has been smashed by a tsunami of grief. One minute you are lying on the couch reading a good novel, eating popcorn whilst your kids watch cartoons and then you hear the dogs barking and when you look out the kitchen window there is a police truck parked in your driveway. Your heart stops then races and you wonder what they can want with you though thinking back, at the time I knew that it was something to do with my brother. But of course the news they delivered was unimaginable.
Just like in the movies you take a big breath and you hear a strange rushing of. is it wind or water or the invisible approach of terror and then you can't get that breathe back out as the shock has stunned you so badly and nothing moves anymore -so you scream to start yourself breathing again. But now your heart has begun to beat at such a dangerous rate you have to keep screaming to supply your blood with oxygen. You either have to scream or faint in these moments. I screamed.
I feared fainting in case I never woke up again.
Through weeping eyes, in your mind you see the lives of your closest, dearest family members breaking cracking, tears mixed with the blood of shattered hearts and you think that you might just die yourself if you can't stop this flood of pain that has flattened you and is on course to swallow up the rest of your family.
You walk back into your home and your dogs have run inside and have eaten your popcorn and are now lying on the couch on top of your novel. These things don't matter any more and it will be some time before they do again.
So now our lives are blown to pieces, like the remnants of a fallen lego castle,a field of sharp fragments and every piece hurts to handle and there are bits missing or so badly smashed that they can no longer be used. There are lots of holes in our lives now especially where my brother once was - this is a hole made of quick sand, get too close and you slide back into the darkest pit of sorrow and fear.
It is endless and time is taking too long to heal.
Like refugees from a hurricane, we walk around look for something beautiful to give our day meaning - something new and precious to give us hope.
Death is often quick and tragedy strikes with a frightening velocity.
Grief is exhausting and constantly gets in the way of survival.
The light at the end of the tunnel keeps going out and still life goes on and we do too just not so quickly. Our steps are small and tender, testing out a new and unknown ground.
A life with holes and a patch of quicksand that wasn't there before.

A COUPLE OF MY BROTHERS GUITARS - THE ONE ON THE STAND IS A GIBSON.

     to be continued .......